


Can Two Become One?

by seeleyboothfan



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 14:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeleyboothfan/pseuds/seeleyboothfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darren Criss & Chris Colfer were always close,but neither of them knew just how close. One of them realizes it too soon and the other too late. Will they ever be able to become one or are they doomed to be separate forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can Two Become One?

“ _How wonderful life is now you're in the world._ ”

 

Chris could feel Darren's voice vibrate through his chest which was pressed against Chris' back.  They were curled together on his couch watching Moulin Rouge.  This was a weekly occurrence, watching movies together at one of their houses. It was a lovely way to relax after a long week of shooting Glee.

 

The first few times they hung out together, they sat on separate pieces of furniture, as they were still getting to know each other. But as time went on, they started moving closer and closer together until finally, a few weeks ago, Chris crawled behind where Darren lay on the sofa and wrapped his arm around his waist and placed his chin on his shoulder, their cheeks pressed together. Darren hadn't even flinched, he just laid his hand over where Chris' rested on his waist and laced their fingers together, cuddling back into Chris' chest. Since that day, they always spooned, their hands gripping each other's tightly.

 

Like Kurt, Chris had a thing for hands. And Darren's were damn near perfect.  While other parts of his body were delightfully hairy (he kept his copy of Out magazine in his bookshelf for perusal), his hands were only lightly dusted with black hair. The tips of his fingers were calloused from the many years of playing stringed instruments and they always lightly scratched his smooth skin as their hands moved around each other. It was as if their hands were dancing with each other, circling around each other, twisting together, squeezing and releasing in a pattern only the two of them knew.

 

For Chris, it was difficult to follow the movie when Darren's hands played with his. The sensations flooded through him and he struggled to breathe.  Most of the time he was the little spoon and he didn't have to worry about Darren feeling the effects of what his hands did to him. But on the days where he was curled behind Darren, he had to keep thinking of things to calm himself. He swore sometimes that Darren could feel the hard on but he never said anything.

 

Thankfully for today, Chris laid in front of Darren and didn't have to worry about what Darren could or couldn't feel. He was especially thankful for this because Darren singing Your Song combined with what his hands were doing was almost more than Chris could handle.  One of Darren's hands was twining with and stroking his right hand, while Darren's other hand was lightly stroking Chris' stomach.

 

Chris was painfully hard and he struggled not to moan. He could feel his hand spasming as he willed himself not to reach out and touch himself, to soothe away the ache.  Darren's voice trailed off and he started to move behind Chris, “Hey, are you alright?”

 

Chris felt his forehead scrunch with the effort of trying to make his voice steady and he held back a sigh. “Y-yes.”

 

“It doesn't sound like you are and your hand is practically shaking.” He attempted to turn Chris over to face him but Chris struggled against him. He did not need Darren to see the tightness in his pants.  “Chris?”

 

Chris yanked his hand away from Darren's and struggled to stand up gracefully, “I have to use the restroom,” and with that he marched off as normally as he could with the uncomfortable tightness of his jeans. He slammed the door behind him and locked it.

 

As he started to unzip his jeans, he heard Darren's voice through the door, “Chris?”

 

He jumped and squeaked a little, his voice coming out breathless, “Yes, Darren?”

 

“Are you sure you're alright? You're not getting sick in there are you?”

 

Chris immediately knew he couldn't jerk off in here because Darren was sure to stand outside that door until he came back out and there was no way he was letting him hear that. So he attempted to think of anything and everything that disgusted him.

 

He suddenly remembered when he accidentally clicked on a pop up earlier that day that led him to lesbian porno site and rather quickly, he felt his erection start to dissipate.  It was almost funny how quickly vaginas made him lose all of his sex drive.

 

“Chris?! If  you don't answer me soon, I'm coming in there.”

 

“Wait!” Chris almost screamed out, zipping up his pants hurriedly. He checked himself over in the mirror and opened the door to Darren's concerned face.

 

They awkwardly stood looking at each other for a few seconds before Chris pushed past him and walked back to where Moulin Rouge was paused on the TV.   He felt hands come to rest on his shoulders and his body tensed. Darren pulled him around to face him and looked up into his eyes, “Chris, man, you gotta let me know what's going on.”

 

Chris sighed, “Nothing's going on, Darren. I just started to feel a little sick, I guess my Thai dinner didn't sit well with me.”

 

Darren seemed to consider him for a while and then nodded as if he believed him, “Oh, right.”  He took his hands from Chris' shoulders and let them hang at his side, “So...”

 

When Chris didn't answer, Darren continued, “Do you want to continue watching the movie? Or are you still not feeling good?”

 

Chris contemplated this. He really didn't want to have their evening end so soon, but he also wasn't sure how the rest of the evening would go after such a close call with Darren. “Sure.” Chris sat himself down on the far side of the couch.

 

Darren sat down next to him and  reached over to wrap his arm around Chris' shoulder, his hand snaking into his hair, his other hand grabbing Chris' and clasping them together in his lap.  Chris felt his chest tighten at the contact.  He subtly tried to lean away from him but Darren of course noticed. “What is wrong?” He almost sounded angry, “And don't say nothing.”

 

Chris huffed, “Fine, do you want to know the truth? Do you want to know what it does to me when you sit so close and place  your hands all over me?”

 

Darren winced and pulled back a little at Chris' harsh tone.

 

“I get so turned on that sometimes all I can think about is turning to you and ripping all your clothes off. Or just rutting against you until we're both coming so hard that all we can see is stars. Or turning you over and fucking you so hard that you can't even walk the next day. Or-”

 

Chris' words were cut off by Darren's mouth crashing into his.  Their teeth clacked together so hard that he could feel his the vibrations in this skull.  Before Chris could even start to get into it, Darren pulled away.

 

“I-” Darren's voice was raw and he cleared it, “Chris-”

 

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”  Chris practically shouted at him as he brought his hand up to his aching lips.

 

“Chris, I don't know what... I mean, what you were saying...I just-” Darren made to reach for him, but Chris pulled away and shook his head.

 

“You are not allowed to just kiss me, Darren. Not when you go around proclaiming your straightness to every single person in America, when you have a GIRLFRIEND who loves and adores you, you-”

 

“Chris, just shut up and let me speak!” Darren ran his fingers through his hair roughly, “God, you're so infuriating some times.”

 

Chris let out a breath, waiting for Darren to continue.

 

"I didn't mean for that.. to do that." Darren said firmly. "Just I really needed you to stop talking, and for whatever reason my brain decided that was the best way."

 

Chris put his hands on his hips. "So you just go around kissing everyone who tells you what you do to them? Huh, you should probably let the fangirls know."

 

Darren groaned. "Come on, it's not like that. It's just different with you. I'm so comfortable around you and it's, I don't know, nice to have a warm body next to yours?” At Chris' raised eyebrow, he continued, “Fuck, this is not coming out right. What I mean is that it's very easy to just lean against you, hold you. It helps me just relax and let loose. Sometimes I wound up so tightly that just seeing you helps all of that tension slip away. Man, if I knew what it was doing to you, you know I wouldn't have kept on.”.

 

"You're my best friend, Chris. We're always together. On set, off set. You even come to my shows. Whenever I'm around you I can't help but want to touch you." His eyes widened at his own words. "Uh, not like that. I meant just be close to you. Just so I know you're there."

 

Chris was sitting in silence and Darren couldn't read his expression. He wanted to reach out and touch him but he knew that would defeat the purpose. As he waited for Chris to answer, he thought back over the last few months. He thought about how easy it was to just lay with Chris wrapped tightly in his embrace, or when Chris would stretch behind him and hold him to his chest.  Or when their hands seemed to just melt together. He never had a relationship like this, one where he was so comfortable around another person to the point where they felt like an extension of yourself, where it didn't feel right when you weren't pressed against them, where you didn't where the other person ended and you began. Darren had always been a touchy feely person but never to the extent he was with Chris.  How could he have not noticed what their interactions was doing to him? He thought he could read him so well, but tonight only showed that he was so, so wrong.

 

He looked up when he heard Chris sigh. Chris reached over and took Darren's hand in his and squeezed it once, tightly, before he looked into Darren's eyes, “Darren, I think I need to apologize.”

 

Darren tilted his head in confusion.

 

“I think I've been using you, no, let me finish... I think deep down I knew that you weren't feeling anything more for me than friendship, and I let myself pretend that you were. Let myself think that you were cuddling me because you needed me in the way I needed you.”

 

“But I do need you, Chris. You don't know what it's like when you're gone. It's like a piece of me is missing-”

 

“Fuck you, Darren. Don't you dare say those things to me after you admitted that you don't have feelings for me. You have to know those words mean so much more.  You have to know how much you're breaking my heart.”

 

“But Chris-”

 

“I don't want to hear about how you miss me, how happy I make you feel, or whatever the fuck else you could say to make me feel more like shit.  I thought you were different.”

 

Darren picked up the glass in front of him and threw it at the wall where it shattered. The sound echoed through the living room and Chris stiffened.

 

“I'm so confused right now... I don't know why I feel the way I do about you, why I can feel like you're a part of me that I can't live without but also at the same time see you as nothing more than a friend. Why can't I just love you? Why can't I just want to be that person for you? Why does it have to be so fucking difficult?”

 

Chris and Darren sat in silence for a  few minutes just taking in everything that had gone on that evening. Finally Chris stood up, “Darren, I don't think I can do this anymore.  I can't be around you and not want to _be_ with you, not want to be held so tightly that it feels like our hearts are beating together, that we're two people who were supposed to be one.”

 

“Chris, please-”

 

“Just don't. Nothing you can say will change this. I know it'll be hard, but we need to learn to live apart, figure out what exactly we are. And then maybe, after a while, we can try being together again. Or maybe we'll just go our separate ways, I don't know. All I know is that it's killing me being here right now.”

 

And with that, Chris turned and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him. Darren felt himself crumble in on himself. He never felt as awful as he did right now. And there was nothing he could do to get rid of that hate he felt for himself.  He curled up on the couch with his hands around his knees and fell into a fitful slumber.

 

********

 

Darren didn't see Chris for another 15 years. It wasn't for lack of trying though.  For the first few weeks after Chris walked out, Darren sent him daily texts, Skype requests, and voice mails but never received any response back. He knew from the two conversations he had with Ashley that Chris was trying to move on with his life, throwing himself into his new script and also the solo album he had finally started working on.

 

“Chris, please. For me, even just once, please call me back. I need to hear your voice, I need you to let me explain, I need... I need _you_.” Darren felt his voice break on that last word, “Please...” He clicked the phone shut before he started crying on Chris' voice mail. He'd already embarrassed himself enough without sobbing over the loss of his best friend over the phone.

 

Even after Darren gave up trying to contact him, he didn't let Chris leave his mind. He went online every night and searched for videos of interviews he had done, articles written about him, pictures at premieres that he attended, anything to get an idea of what was going on in his life. He didn't understand how he could be so happy and proud of Chris at the same time as being utterly heartbroken at the thought of not being able to share in his happiness. 

 

When Chis left him, the rest of the cast mates of Glee seemed to go along with him. He had never truly been close to them as he was to the members of the Warblers and of course his friends from Starkid. But, they never filled that hole in Darren's heart that had been torn out when Chris slammed the door as he walked out of his life.  At first they commented on how he didn't seem like his old self. Darren tried to go back to normal, perform shows at pubs around the country but the music was never the same. The songs about being happy and in love didn't feel right and the songs about rage and jealousy cut too deeply for Darren to be able to perform without wanting to throw his guitar to the floor.  When it came time for the Starkids to put A Very Potter Threequel into the works, Darren didn't even know what to do with himself. 

 

He struggled with trying to find that character again, that boy of 12 who was so excited about everything in his world, his friends and family, and the magic of living. The Starkids didn't say anything for the first few months of rehearsal, but finally Joe Walker took Darren aside, “Listen, Dare. We've all be talking: Moses, Joey, Lauren, and I. We all know how rough it was when Glee ended, but you have to start... I don't know... living again? You're like a freaking zombie, dude. If you start chanting brains, I may have to get my machete.” Joe's attempt at humor fell flat as Darren didn't even look up at him. “Darren?”

 

Finally Darren looked up at Joe, “I can't do it, Joe. I just can't.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I don't  even know how to smile anymore.  It's like every little breath is sapping my energy. Did you know I haven't even touched my guitar in 4 months?” He gave a sad laugh.

 

Joe just stared at him quietly, slipping an arm around his waist.

 

“I'm sorry, but I think I need to leave.”

 

“Leave?”

 

Darren crossed him arms over his chest, “I can't do this anymore. I can't be here, I can't stay on like this.”

 

Joe felt his breath catch, “Dude, you're scaring me. What the hell is going on?”

 

“I DON'T KNOW!” His voice echoed through the rehearsal room and everyone stopped what they were doing to glance over at them. Darren stood up and stalked to the door, ripping it open and stepping outside. 

 

He heard the door fly open behind him and turned to see Joe and Joey standing there with twin confused expressions on their face. Joey walked slowly up to Darren as if afraid he's run if he made any sudden movements. “Darren, is this all about Chris?”

 

Darren advanced on them with a fist raised for a moment before he caught himself. He put his head in his hands, “God, I miss him so much.”

 

Joey and Joe came up to him them and wrapped him in their arms. Darren finally allowed himself to start sobbing, letting all the emotions of the past five years pour out of him. 

 

*******

 

Darren never ended up returning to the rehearsals after that day. He politely let his friends know that he didn't feel it was right to be in this production when he was so completely destroyed.  He tried to get them to put the production on without him but they knew it wouldn't be the same without the original Harry.  Darren tried to keep in touch with them as time went on but he never really was able to hang out like the usually did. They still sent cards on birthdays and holidays and shared phone calls on Christmas but nothing more.

 

Darren moved back to San Francisco near to where his old house was and decided to use the money he made from Glee to go back to school. Without his passion for life, he was unable to continue acting and singing and he knew he needed something else to occupy his time. He remembered how he had once desired to be a teacher and realized that now was the time to pursue that dream. He focused all his time and energy on his schoolwork and managed to end up in the top five of his graduating class.

 

10 years after finishing Glee, Darren was teaching fourth grade in an elementary school just a few miles from his house. The children were a delight and Darren found himself smiling as he made his coffee every morning and walked to the school.  Each day was a challenge that Darren welcomed and his students were the light of his life.  He had let his hair grown out and somehow, maybe just with the passing of time, the curls were finally starting to tame themselves. He went back to glasses too. He liked the new him, the one in cardigans and khakis, the one who spent his time creating lessons and putting together all new ways to spark the imaginations of these children whose lives he was helping grow.

 

He still was very much alone in his personal life, devoting his time to his job.  The thing he missed the most in his life, besides Chris, was the lack of music. Not just the music he created, but music in and of itself. He rarely turned on the radio anymore. Something about listening to the emotions that the singer and musician was creating was too much for him to handle.  Hell, the last time he turned on the radio he felt tears fill his eyes when a song a stupid as “Hey Ya” by the Black Eyed Peas came on.

 

It felt a little empty without any music in his life but it was the only way for Darren to get through the day without remembering the pain in his chest that was still there even after all these years.

 

*******

 

It was after a very long day at work that Darren's life finally changed from the rut that it had fallen into. He had just finished up his lesson plans for the next week when he decided to turn on the TV for the first time in a year. He didn't even know what encouraged him to do it, he just walked over and turned it on. After getting  dust rag and cleaning the screen, he settled down with a glass of wine and flipped through the channels slowly, not even really paying attention. As he was skipping through the channels, his ears perked up when he heard, “And after the break we talk about Chris Colfer's newest adventure”

 

Darren dropped his glass to the floor and didn't even flinch as the red juice seeped into the carpet. His heart has stopped and his body had half lifted off the couch, as if to rush toward the screen.  As he silently begged for the commercials to end and for the entertainment show to start back up, he thought back over the last 15 years since he had last seen Chris. He had a bookshelf full of the children's stories Chris had written, another section with all the movies that Chris had directed, and a section of wall where he'd taped all the pictures he had of Chris from during their time together on Glee.

 

He didn't actively pursue every single bit of Chris' life but he did still purchase everything he did. He tried to tell himself it was only because of how amazing all his works were but he knew better. He still couldn't breathe as he pulled open his newest book, or pop his newest movie into the video player. He'd gorge himself on the material until he could see it in his sleep, mouth along with the movie or quote whole chapters in his head.

 

“And we're back. You may have heard that Chris Colfer is creating a new series. What you may not know is that all the filming is going to take place in a small little town outside San Francisco. And while we-” Darren fell to his knees in front of the screen and the ringing in his ears drowned out the rest of the conversation.

 

Chris was coming back to California? He hadn't been here since filming for Glee ended.  And not only was Chris going to be in the same state, he was going to be within 20 miles of him? Darren felt like he was having heart attack. He could barely breathe and his chest was aching.  He fell back against the couch and pressed a hand to his chest, struggling to force the next breaths into his lungs.  After a few minutes, he frantically rushed over to his computer and pulled open the internet.

 

He pulled up Yahoo and typed in “Chris Colfer untitled series San Francisco 2027”. After a few very wrong links, he finally found was he was looking for. He reread the page a few times and after deciding that it was a legitimate source that he could trust, he wrote out a few addresses into his notebook and started thinking about how this plan was going to work.

 

*******

 

“Come on, get out of the car. You can do it. All you have to do is open the door, walk about 50 steps and open the door to that cafe.”

 

Darren was sitting in his car outside La Rogue, a popular cafe for Hollywood types. From what he'd read online, Chris was using this as a reference to a restaurant in his new TV series.  And from the paparazzi sites he begrudgingly trolled, Chris was supposed to be visiting today.

 

But the prospect of seeing Chris after all these years was making it almost impossible to step out of his car. What if he'd changed, what if he wasn't the same boy who'd been his best friend all those years ago? What if he'd let his fame get the better of him and he'd become jaded. Darren shook his head at the thought. There's no way Chris would let that happen. He was too proud to let himself be taken over by anything. He'd stay true to himself no matter what.

 

Finally, Darren forced himself to step out of his car. His first few steps where shaky but his confidence grew as he neared the door. He took a few deep breaths and then he was entering the restaurant. A rush of cool air blew into him as he entered the doorway and he blinked his eyes a few times to adjust to the lighting inside. What he saw caused his breath to leave him in a rush. Chris was standing just inside the door pointing off to the side of the restaurant explaining something to the person on his right.

 

Darren felt his heart swell up to about twice its size.  It was as if all the air in the world had been sucked away and all he could hear was his own heart beat. God,  his voice still had that same lilting, angelic quality to it. 15 years hadn't changed that. His skin was still flawless and his hair was styled in that “I just rolled out of bed but I look like I stepped out of the salon” look that only he could pull off.

 

His throat closed up as he watched Chris gesture around, his face lighting up with the possibilities. He must have made a slight choking sound out loud because Chris stopped talking and turned to look at him. For a split second there was a blank look on his face and then recognition flashed through his eyes.  Chris' face moved from emotion to emotion so quickly that all Darren could do was stand there with his hands twisting together, struggling to think of something to say. Darren had always prided himself on being able to read all of Chris' expression but right now he could not tell what was going on in Chris' mind.

 

“Darren?” Chris' voice carried softly to him and Darren felt his heart squeeze at the sound of him name coming from those lips.

 

“Chris-”

 

Chris shook his head and turned to the person he was with, “Sean, can you give me a moment?” Sean looked between the two of them a few times before nodding and walking away to the other side of the restaurant.  Chris watched him leave and then turned to Darren. He just stared at him thoughtfully for a few moments before he took a few steps closer.

 

Darren felt rooted to where he stood, unable to breathe, think, anything other than watch Chris come closer and closer. Chris sighed and looked down at his feet for a moment before raising his eyes to Darren's, “What are you doing here?”

 

Darren opened his mouth to speak but only a squeak came out. He cleared his throat as he felt his face heat up, “I- I live here?”

 

Chris gave a wry laugh, “I would assume you meant you live in San Francisco? I'm asking why you're _here,_ in this restaurant.”

 

Darren's face reddened even more, he could feel the heat radiating off of him. “Oh.” He contemplated an answer that wouldn't sound like he had been stalking Chris. “I- I guess I just needed to see you.” God his voice sounded so broken.

 

Chris took a deep breath and looked around him, as if to make sure no one was within hearing distance. “Darren, _shit,_ you can't just- it's been fifteen years...”

 

Darren just stared into his eyes trying so hard not to just reach out and grab Chris into his arms and never let him go.

 

“Look, I need to finish scouting this location today so that we can start production.” He fished around in his pockets and pulled out a pen and small notepad. “Give me your number.  I'll call you once I'm free and we'll talk.”

 

Darren's hand shook as he took the pen and paper. He quickly jotted down his number and handed it back to Chris. 

 

“And you'll really call?” His voice rang out with hopefulness.

 

Chris hesitated a few seconds before nodding, “I do think we need to talk. There are some... things, you need to know Darren. Now, I really do have to go.”

 

Darren wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, afraid that if he let Chris go, he wouldn't see him again, that it would be like the last time Chris left. He felt his hand reach out unconsciously but he forced it to stop before he actually touched him. Chris thankfully didn't notice for he'd already turned to walk back over to where a few other people were standing near the other side of the restaurant. 

 

While Darren would give anything to just stand and watch Chris as he did his work, he knew he really would seem like a stalker. So he forced himself to walk out the door and back to his car.  As he went to stick his keys in the ignition, he felt a sob escape him and he dropped his keys to the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself and he felt tears pour down his face.  He struggled to breathe as sob after sob poured out of him.

 

He couldn't handle all the feelings that came back to him now that he'd seen Chris in person again after so long. All those feelings of knowing that you couldn't be complete without that one other person being with you and  that you were only half of a whole person, never able to be happy without them.  But there were also other new feelings there too. Feelings about Chris Darren didn't think would ever be there.  The need to have him pulled against him, lips pressed together tightly. The need to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, possible biting down on the lobe or licking along the shell, hands rubbing up and down his body, hips pressing against each other hungrily.

 

Darren's whole body was shaking with the raw desire he was feeling for Chris. Maybe it was the years apart that made him feel this way, or maybe he was finally realizing what exactly those feelings from long ago meant.  Either way, he knew that he needed to see Chris again, let him know exactly what he was feeling.  And he desperately hoped Chris still felt the same way.

 

*******

 

Darren would be lying if he said he didn't sit by his phone for the next two days, willing it to ring.  He was in the middle of grading some papers when the ringing of his phone caused him to jump.  The screen listed the number as “unlisted” and Darren felt butterflies fill his stomach.  He took a second to breathe and then he hit “accept”.

 

“Hello?” He was proud of the fact that his voice was steady.

 

“Hey.” That voice did things to parts of him that he had thought were long dormant.

 

There was silence as each of them tried to think of something to say.

 

“Why did you come to that restaurant?”

  
“I told you...  I just needed to see you.”

 

“Darren...”

 

“Can you blame me?” He felt his voice raise with frustration, “I tried so many times to reach you after you left but you _never_ answered. You didn't even let me know you were leaving California. I had to find out from Ashley.”

 

“I'm sorry Darren.” Darren stopped at the sadness in Chris' voice. “I'm so sorry, Darren. I just knew that if I talked to you I wouldn't be able to leave.”

 

“Chris... as happy as I am that you called, I don't think we should do this over the phone. Please say we can meet up somewhere. I need to see you again.”

 

He could hear Chris' heavy breathing on the line for a few seconds before he answered, “Where do you live?”

 

Darren's heart jumped at the idea that Chris would be coming to his house. “1630 Revello Drive.”

 

“That's not too far. I need to do some things but I'll be there at 6?”

 

“That'd be perfect.” His words were rushed and he'd be embarrassed if he weren't so excited.

 

“I'll see you, Darren.”

 

After he hung up, Darren looked around his home for a few seconds and felt his skin run cold. His house was a mess of items from his class and he silently thanked god that he had time to not only get changed but also clean his house before Chris arrived.

 

By the time 5:50 arrived, Darren was freshly showered and in the best outfit in his wardrobe: black slacks, short sleeved white button up and black vest. His hair was cooperating today and his chin was freshly shaved.

 

There was a knock on the door and Darren forced himself to walk over to it slowly.  He opened it up to reveal an impeccably dressed Chris Colfer. Darren felt his body sag against the doorjam as he simply looked upon the man who Darren finally realized he loved.

 

Chris smiled nervously, “Are you going to let me in, Darren?”

 

Darren stood up quickly and laughed embarrassed.  “Of course.” He stepped back and motioned with his arm for Chris to enter.

 

Chris stepped through the entryway and glanced around Darren's home with interest. 

 

“I suppose I can give you a quick tour, if you want.”

 

Chris nodded, “I am kind of interested how you went from jeans and t-shirts to cardigans and khakis.” he said with a slight giggle.

 

Darren smiled as he felt his heart flip. He loved seeing Chris smile and laugh. “Well, this is the living room. I do all my work either here or on the island in the kitchen. Depending on how hungry I am.” Chris smiled and glanced around the room.

 

Darren walked around his house pointing out the rooms and told little tidbits of his life. It wasn't until Chris stopped to look at a picture on his wall that Darren realized he hadn't exactly told Chris of his career change. 

 

“You went back to college?” He indicated the diploma from University of San Francisco in the frame on the wall.

 

Darren nodded, “I'm a teacher now.”

 

Chris glanced up at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “You're not-”

 

“Not since Glee, no.”

 

Chris' face fell and he turned to look at the other pictures on the wall. The frames were full of pictures drawn by his students and there were a few pictures of Darren with the Starkids and one with his mom, dad, and Chuck.

 

“Are you happy, Darren?”

 

“Are you?” Chris just blinked. “Chris, I love teaching. The kids can be devils, but I still love them all so much.”

 

“But are you happy? I don't see any pictures of you with someone special.” He indicated the wall behind him. “Unless there's another area of your house with more pictures.” Chris continued down the hallway and pulled open the doors looking through each room as if searching for a secret place with all the rest of Darren's pictures.

 

Darren felt his heart fall to his feet as Chris opened to door at the end of the hallway.  He felt cold sweat appear on his face and Chris entered the room where Darren kept all  his books and movies.  The room where Darren had his collection of everything Chris Colfer. He watched as Chris slowly entered the room, his eyes fixed on the collage next to Darren's shelves.

 

Chris made a confused noise as his hands reached out to touch the picture of him and Darren outside the McKinley High facade.  It was the last picture they had ever taken and was Darren's most treasure photo. Chris' eyes slid to the bookshelf where Darren kept all the DVDs and books. Darren watched with fascination as Chris' eyes shined with the sheen of tears and he rubbed his hands along the spines of the books. Chris turned to look at Darren with awe on his face.

 

“I'm so amazed by all that you've done, Chris.  Everything is pure gold and I'm proud to have known you, been a part of your life, even if it was just a small part. It's been so hard to just stand by and watch your life keep moving upward. All I wanted was to be there to cheer you on, let you know how wonderful you were and do everything in my power to help you in any way you'd let me.”

 

Darren stepped closer to Chris and did what he'd wanted to do for so long, he pulled Chris into his arms. “I've waited 15 years to do this.” He squeezed his arms around Chris and just breathed him in. “I've missed you so much.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I love you.”

 

He felt Chris' arms come up and hoped that it was to hug him back, but instead, he felt hands press against his chest and forcefully push him away.  As much as it killed him, he did step back and his arms dropped to his sides.  Chris was refusing to look at him and that scared Darren more than the fact that Chris pushed him away.

 

“Seriously, it's been fifteen years and you say that to me?” Chris finally looked up and Darren was shocked at the anger there.

 

“Better late then never, right?” Darren wanted to take the words back as soon as he said them.

 

Chris squeezed his eyes shut and a single tear rolled down his cheek.  “The last time I talked to you, you spouted all this shit about feeling nothing but friendship for me. And now you say you _love_ me?”

 

“I don't know how it happened, but I do know it now, Chris. What I didn't know back then. I love you, Chris. There's been no one before you that I loved and there certainly hasn't been anyone since.” He stepped up to him and gripped his face in his hands, “And I'm going to kiss you now.”

 

Before Chris could even breathe, Darren's lips were against his. It was nothing like their kiss from fifteen years ago, it was everything and more. Chris' lips were soft and warm and Darren couldn't help but run his tongue along them to get a taste of the man he'd been thinking of for all these years.

 

He felt Chris' hands grip his shoulders and heard him breathe quickly through his nose. Darren slipped his hands even further into Chris' hair and tugged him closer. Darren could feel the hole in his heart start to disappear as he continued kissing him.  Nothing felt more right than this moment, with this man in his arms, kissing him back.

 

Darren brushed his lips from his lips along his jawline to Chris' ear and he whispered roughly, “I love you, I love you, I love you...”

 

“Darren....” Chris breathed into his ear.

 

Darren pressed open mouth kisses down his neck and buried his face in his neck so that he could breathe him in.

 

He couldn't have been more surprised when Chris pulled away suddenly.

 

“Chris?”

 

Chris' eyes were almost bugged out and he was breathing deeply, “Shit, fuck.... shit.”

 

Darren went to walk toward him but Chris held up a finger and Darren stopped where he stood.

 

Chris brought his hand to his lips and continued to mutter curses under his breath. He finally looked up at Darren and his expression was one of both anger and sadness. “That shouldn't have happened.”

 

“Yes, it should have. And it did.”

 

“This isn't right-”

 

He took a few more steps closer to Chris, “This has never been more right.”

 

Chris huffed, “No, Darren. You don't understand.” His eyes were full of such pain and that hit Darren straight in the heart. “This was wrong.”

 

Darren just shook his head.

 

Chris tugged his hands through his hair, “I need to leave.”

 

“NO!” The volume of his shout shocked them both and they stared at each other in silence for a few moments.  “You can't leave me again.”

 

Chris closed his eyes and it was if he was struggling with his words, “Don't make this any harder than it already is.”

 

“I don't understand. Why is this so wrong to you? Why, when this is the first time in my life that it feels so right?” Darren felt tears start to roll down his face.

 

“This isn't the way I wanted it to be, Darren. If there was any other way, I'd take it.” He finally looked back at Darren, “I'm with someone.”

 

The breath whooshed out of his lungs and he felt his heart stop, “But-”

 

“I'm so sorry it had to come out like this. I had planned on telling you as soon as I got here but then...” his voice trailed off.

 

“How long?”

 

“Four years.” A small smile came to Chris' face.

 

“Oh.”

 

Chris sighed, “During Glee, I loved you. I would have given anything for you to return my feelings and those feelings didn't go away for a long time. But gradually, I let myself move on. And when I met Sean, well, he started to make me feel again...I love him, Darren.”

 

If his heart hadn't already been in pieces, it would have broken right on the spot.  Darren remembered seeing Sean at the restaurant a few days earlier and seeing the way he'd looked at him and Chris.  Now that he knew their relationship he didn't blame Sean for the jealousy he'd seen flare in his eyes.

 

“How am I supposed to explain to him what happened tonight?”

 

Darren's head snapped up, “You're going to tell him?”

 

“We've always been honest with each other. He knows how I felt about you. He helped me move on. And there's no way I can look into his eyes and keep this from him.”

 

“What am I supposed to do now?”

 

“You? How am I supposed to think about you when I have the prospect of telling the man I love that I just kissed my first love? That I enjoyed it? That it reawoke feelings that I thought were long buried?”

 

Chris walked toward the door and Darren rushed after him, “But if you enjoyed it and if those feelings are back, why are you leaving?”

 

Chris turned to him, “What am I supposed to do? Go to him and say that I guess I was wrong? Sorry, love, Darren came back to me so bugger off? No. I've made my decision, I've chosen him.”

 

“But-”

 

“Fuck. Why did you have to come back in my life now? Things were going so well.”

 

“Maybe they weren't. Maybe you've been just getting by and now that I'm here, things can be they way they're supposed to be.”

 

“Darren...” Chris hung his head and Darren could see his forehead scrunch up as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I love Sean and nothing can change that. Not even these feelings that I have for you. I'm not going to leave him for you. I couldn't do that to Sean, or to myself. Maybe if you'd come back before I met Sean...”

 

“So, you're saying I'm too late? That if this was a few years ago you'd take me back?” Darren felt anger bubble up in his chest. “Fuck, Chris, I never stopped trying to come back to you. Or did the 250 missed phone calls that first year only confuse you? You're saying that I should have come back sooner but it's your fault that I couldn't get in touch with you until now.”

 

“I told you that we needed space to figure things out. I think we'd gotten so close that I didn't know how to live without you and that scared the crap out of me.  I couldn't live my life dependent on someone who couldn't love me back.” Chris tilted his head to the side. “I saw every text you sent me and after a long while I eventually I read them all and I listened to the messages you left. But in every single one, I never saw what I was so hoping to see. I was waiting for something different. Something other than what you'd told me the last time we saw each other. But nothing had changed. You still didn't see me as more than a very close friend.  And that wasn't enough for me. If I couldn't have all of you then I didn't want any of you. Because living each day with that much pain was killing me.”

 

Chris sat down on the couch in the room and put his head in his hands, “I had hoped later, that maybe something would change, that maybe you'd realized that there could be something between us. But that never happened and I had to resign myself to a life without you.  And now that I've finally found the person who makes me feel whole, I don't ever want to lose that. Sean let himself love me, and he makes me feel like I've finally found who I'm meant to be. I'm happy when I'm with him and I cannot imagine my life without him.” Chris looked over at Darren, “I hate that this is not what you want to hear, but I feel like you need to know exactly where I'm coming from. You deserve to know why we can't be together.”

 

Darren was sitting in stunned silence, his heart was in a thousand pieces. When he'd found Chris again, he thought everything would go back to the way it was and they could finally be fully together. But it seems that life wasn't going to work out that way.

 

Chris' cheeks were covered in fallen tears and his body was shaking slightly. He walked up to Darren and placed his hands on either side of his face, pressing his lips lightly to Darren's forehead. He pulled away slowly, “I'm so sorry it had to be this way. I think it's best if I leave.”

 

Darren just shook his head, “Please don't leave me.”

 

Chris' voice broke with a sob and he turned to leave, walking quickly out of the room and toward Darren's front door. Darren ran after him, stumbling slightly over his own feet, “Chris, please... I don't want to be alone anymore.”

 

Chris stopped with his hand on the door handle and turned to face him, “I don't think we should see each other anymore. It's going to be too hard. As much as I've missed you in my life, it won't be fair to either of us.”

 

“I still don't understand...”

 

“I think it's going to take some time for you to be able to comes to terms with this. I do really want you to understand why we can't- I just need you to be able to move on.” He paused, scanning Darren's face for a few moments.

 

He gripped Darren's hand once more in his, “Goodbye, Darren.” And with that, he walked out the door.

 

*******

 

Darren's life seemed to come to a complete stand-still once Chris left for the second time. He couldn't make himself do anything other than sit around in his pajamas and just stare into space. He didn't eat or shower and he barely slept.

 

He pulled open his computer and browsed the internet searching for any news on Chris. The city's news page finally gave him what he needed: “Chris Colfer continues scouting for his series.” After scanning the article, he found out that Chris had been spotted at different parks in the city. Before he could rethink it, he decided he was going to go find him. He couldn't let Chris leave without telling him that he wouldn't give him up without a fight.

 

Darren quickly ripped his clothes off on his dash to the shower. It was the fastest shower he'd taken, rubbing furiously at the grime from the past few days. He shut off the water and rubbed a towel through his hair. He grabbed the first shirt and pants he could find in his closet and pulled them on as he picked up his wallet and keys from the counter. He was still yanking on his shoes as he ran out the his car.

 

He decided he'd start at the park down the street and just keep driving until he found Chris.  He kept the windows down to blow his hair dry as he drove.

 

He was getting more and more discouraged as the day went on and there was no sign of Chris. He was about to give up when he finally spotted Chris walking from a car on the street to the entrance of Circle Park.  Darren almost ran into the car in front of him as he took his eyes off the road to look at Chris and he swerved just in time.  He pulled into a parking spot not too far from where Chris' car was. He took a few seconds to breathe, trying to give himself the courage to face Chris once again.

 

This was probably one of the most idiotic  things he'd done in his life but he knew that if he didn't see Chris one more time, he'd spend his life wondering “what if”. He looked at himself in the rear view mirror and paused for a moment, truly looking at himself. He was no longer the youthful boy who played Harry Potter with his friends. He was no longer the happy go lucky boy who played Blaine Anderson and fell in love with his co-star.  The lines around his eyes showed the years that had passed and the strands of gray hair near his temple shone in the sun filtering through the trees.

 

Darren used his fingers to try and brush his curls into submission and finally stepped from his car.

 

The walk to where Chris was standing was one of the longest Darren had to make. Thankfully Chris was standing off to the side away from everyone else. That would make it easier to approach him. Darren nodded to a few people he passed, never taking his eyes of Chris. Chris didn't even look at him until he was 5 feet away.

 

“Darren? What are you doing here? I told you we shouldn't see each other again.”

 

“I know, I just couldn't let you leave without giving me a chance to explain myself. I-”

 

“Mr. Colfer, are you alright? Is this person bothering you?” They both turned to look at the woman who  stood next to them.

 

“Thanks, Stacie, but I'm alright. Let Jackson and Robert know that I'm taking a break.”

 

Stacie eyed Darren for a few seconds before she left them, walking over to who Darren could only assume were Jackson and Robert. Darren turned to look at Chris and saw, once again, pain etched on his features.

 

“Alright, follow me, Darren. Let's find someone more private.” Darren followed as Chris walked over to a pavilion a few hundred yards away from where the others were. Chris took a seat and indicated the bench across from him. Darren sat down slowly and clenched his hands together, realizing he'd lost all his courage.

 

Chris simply sat and gazed upon him, waiting for him to start the conversation. Of course, Chris had said everything he needed to say last night, so anything else would be Darren's part to initiate.

 

“Chris, I have a lot I'd like to say and it would really help if you'd let me say it all before responding.”

 

Chris nodded, “It's the least I could do, since I never let you talk all these years.” He gave a sad smile which Darren couldn't help but return.

 

“First off, I want to sincerely apologize for the way I treated you. I was leading you on when I knew that there could be nothing more between us than friendship. I should have seen what it was doing to you but I didn't even really look at you. I enjoyed the way you made me feel and I took advantage of that.”

 

“Dar-”

 

“You said you'd let me talk.”

 

Chris closed his mouth.

 

“It took me a long time to realize this, even after you pointed it out to me. I'm glad you didn't respond those first few years because I think we just would have ended up hating each other. But, I wish you wouldn't have completely separated yourself from me for so long. I think we could have made things work a long time ago if you'd given me the chance.  I never stopped trying to find you. I could have been so good for you, and I really needed you in my life. Hell, without you, I stopped singing. I haven't even hummed for at least 10 years now.”

 

Chris' eyes filled with tears and he wrapped his arms around himself, but he stayed silent.

 

“I don't get why you wouldn't have tried to call me, even once, to see if maybe things had changed.  You just gave up, and you're not a quitter, that's part of why I love you so much. And I think you've made a mistake with Sean. He could never know you the way I do, he could never love you like I do. He's not good for you, I am.”

 

The pain on Chris' face fell away and anger took its place, “Alright, that's enough. You can say anything you want about me,  but you bring Sean into this and we're done.”

 

“I-”

 

“No, you've said enough. You know nothing about me or Sean. I'm not the person I was back then and you need to get that through your head.  You say that I should have come back to you, but what do you really know of me during that time? Who's to say that if I went back to you anything really would have changed. You really messed me up emotionally and I couldn't go through that again, it would have truly killed me.” Chris poked Darren in the chest with his finger, “So, here's the deal: you're going to leave me and Sean alone. And you're not going to come and find me again. You have no right to come back into my life and say these things. What right do you have to say that you're better for me? If you truly loved me,” his voice broke on the word 'loved', “you'd realize that I'm happy with my life and you'd let me go.”

 

Chris stood up  and took a few steps away from him, but turned once more, “I thought you were better. But all you are is a selfish bastard. And I don't ever want to see you again.”

 

Darren stood up and felt his legs almost give out. His eyes were clouded with tears and he tried to furiously blink them away. “I hope you're happy.” His voice was so raw with pain. He'd never been as hurt and embarrassed as this moment. While it killed him to hear what Chris said, there was a sickening truth to them. And that's what really crushed him. Before he could truly break down, Darren turned on his heel and walked away from Chris for what he thought was the last time.

 

*******

 

Darren lived the next few days in a haze.  He was sure he ate and slept and did some work on his lesson plans but he didn't remember any of it.  Finally, one evening, Darren had to leave his house. He had eaten every single edible thing in the house and his stomach was growling in hunger. 

 

He flipped through the newspaper looking for something to peak his interest.  He didn't want fast food, Mexican, Thai, and he continued flipping until he found a listing on the front page of the local section. “New Italian restaurant offers a dinner theater type experience. Local artists entertain while you dine”.

 

Darren set the paper down and considered this. He hadn't been able to enjoy music in so long, who was to say that now would be any different? But maybe he'd just been holding himself back from enjoyment because he didn't feel he could truly appreciate it without the person in his life that made him see music in a different way.

 

There was no time like the present to start trying to live his life again. He couldn't spend all his life pining after the man who would never chose him. Maybe he'd try calling up Joe or Joey, see how they were doing, maybe get together for some long needed conversation. Darren was decided, either way. He was going to go out and enjoy some Italian food and whatever sort of entertainment that was happening there.

 

Darren pulled up outside the restaurant and was pleased to see that not many cars were there.  His first real venture out into the world didn't need to be into a crowd. The building was brick and had ivy rising up. He could hear soft piano music filtering through door as he walked up and for once, he didn't feel a jolt of pain. Maybe this would be a good thing.

 

“How many?”

 

Darren smiled at the girl, “Just one.”

 

“Right this way, sir.”

 

She led him towards a table in the middle of the room.  She pulled out the chair for him and he smiled at her once more before sitting down and grabbing the menu in the middle of the table. The piano continued to play and Darren didn't pay it any mind. He was halfway through the entree section of the menu when a tentative voice sounded over the speakers and Darren felt his heart drop in his chest. He whipped his eyes up to see none other than Chris Colfer at the microphone.

 

Chris hadn't seemed to notice him yet and for that Darren was eternally grateful.  Here Darren was trying to make a move away from him and he only gets thrust right back at him.  How was Darren to know that Chris would be performing here?  Chris hadn't done any singing for years now, not since his last CD in 2020.

 

Darren thought back on Chris' musical ventures over the years. After Glee, Chris had come out with a total of 4 CDs.  Darren had bought each one and listened to them so much that he probably knew them better than Chris himself.  Unlike his books and movies, Chris' CDs were like actually taking a look into his life.  His CDs were a musical representation of Chris' emotions and Darren clung to them like a lifeline.  He cried with him on the first CD where Chris seemed to be struggling to find himself.  He seethed with him on the second CD when Chris seemed to be lashing out at the world. He laughed with him on the third CD when Chris was experimenting with styles, as if he wanted to experience everything life had to offer. And he smiled with him on the fourth CD when Chris started to truly become the person he wanted to be.  After that last CD, Chris hadn't done anything in the music world. So it was such a huge shock not only to see Chris again, but for it to be at a performance.

 

Darren held the menu up to his face as he eyed Chris over it.  If he could just keep quiet and not move too much, he could eat a quick meal and get out of there before Chris saw him.

 

“Thank you for your time. I haven't performed in a while, but my partner convinced me that I should perform again. And what better place than with you guys? Now, most of you may know me as the guy who is making a TV show here and disrupting your peaceful lives,” There was polite laughter in the dining room. “But please indulge me tonight as I sing some of my favorite songs.”

 

“Sir, what would you like to order?” Darren jumped as the waitress came up next to him.

 

“Uh, the lasagna fritta please.” He kept his face hidden behind the menu as he gave her his order.

 

“Sir, could I please have the menu back?” She eyed him curiously.

 

Darren's face blushed bright, “Oh, of course.”

 

As she pulled the menu from him, she knocked into the chair next to him and it fell loudly to the floor.  Darren cringed as all eyes, including Chris', flew to where he sat.  He felt mortified as Chris' eyes flared with anger when he saw him.

 

He could see Chris struggling to keep calm and his chest was puffing with the effort. He turned to the gentleman at the piano and whispered to him. At his nod, Chris turned back to the microphone. His voice shook slightly, “So, I ask your forgiveness, but I'd like to sing a song from a long time ago. It is not mine, but I've found I could relate to it recently. And it's always a sort of catharsis to sing about your feelings, so if you'd allow me?”

 

There was light applause from around Darren and Chris nodded to the piano player. After the first chord, Chris voice started softly but picked up as the song went on,

 

 _“I know I can't take one more step towards you_  
'Cause all that's waiting is regret  
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?  
You lost the love I loved the most  
  
And I learned to live, half-alive  
And now you want me one more time?”

 

It took Darren a moment to recognize the song, but as soon as he did, he felt a cold sweat break out on him. Chris kept his eyes mostly on Darren as he sang and it killed him to see the sadness on his face.

 

 _“And who do you think you are?  
Running 'round leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don't come back for me  
Who do you think you are?_  
  
 _I hear you're asking all around_  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms”

 

It was a struggle just to breathe as he heard Chris pour his heart out.  There was such sadness but also such strength in his eyes.    
  
_“It took so long just to feel alright_  
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes  
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed  
Cause you broke all your promises  
  
And now you're back  
You don't get to get me back”

 

Chris broke off and the piano played a few more chords before he realized that Chris had stopped.  “I'm sorry, I have to go.” And Chris stepped off the stage and walked towards the entrance of the restaurant.

 

There was a rumble of confused conversation around Darren but he couldn't bring himself to do anything more than force himself to take each breath and not collapse from his chair.  This was just the confirmation that Chris had no need for him in his life. Chris had found a way to put his life back together without him and there was no room for Darren in it anymore. It wasn't just Sean that was keeping Chris from Darren, it was his life. He had made a name for himself and he was his own person. 

 

When they were together, it was almost as if Chris was a part of him. Everyone had gone to calling them, “Darren and Chris”  because they were never apart.  One didn't exist without the other. And that wasn't healthy.  They needed to be their own people first before  they could truly be each others. And now that Chris had found himself, he didn't need Darren to make his life whole.

 

Darren took a deep breath and finally felt his heart settle back in his chest.  It would still take a long time to fully get over Chris, but now that he'd come to this realization, he felt he could truly start that process.

 

The waitress walked up with his meal and glanced at the now empty stage, “Where'd he go?”

 

“He's going to live his life and I'm going to live mine.”

 

The waitress raised her eyebrow but didn't respond, “Well, enjoy your meal.”

 

*******

 

“Charon, where's your helmet?”

 

“It's all the way back in my locker.”

 

Darren sighed, “Then we'll have to go and get it. Your mother won't let you ride home without it.” The little girl sighed with such drama that Darren had to struggle not to laugh aloud. “Charon, the quicker we get it, the quicker you can get home.”

 

He held out his hand and she wrapped her fingers tightly around it. They swung their hands and she started humming. This was Darren's last year teaching and it was moments like this that he knew he'd truly miss.

 

With no children of his own, he'd spent all his time doting on the children he taught. Darren continued teaching fourth grade in San Francisco and he started dating again. After Chris, he never pursued men. Several had come onto him, but it never felt right. Over the years he dated several women, but he never became serious with any of them.

 

Darren also pulled his guitar out of storage and started playing small venues around the city.  Music slowly became a passion of his again and he spent all his time either teaching or playing music.  Every so often Darren would catch word of whatever Chris was doing but he made sure not to ever focus on it. He wanted to stay true to Chris and leave him alone. He couldn't pretend he didn't cry when he read the marriage announcement of Chris and Sean but he forced himself to be happy for them.

 

It was the summer of 2050 and Darren was playing in a cafe down the road from him. It was a sight to see a 63 year old man in a plaid shirt and cargo shorts, his hair a curly mess and bright pink Ray Bans upon his nose. But this was still the most comfortable that Darren felt and he couldn't be bothered to change.

 

He turned to the small audience, “Any requests?”  There were a few band names shouted out but Darren didn't recognize them.  He didn't really keep up with the current music trend anymore. The songs from his younger years still held his heart and he stuck with the time honored tradition of keeping some classics in his sets.

 

“Not many of you here will recognize this, but the Beatles will always hold a spot in my heart.” He started strumming the chords to the song and felt the music take him over.

 

 _“Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”

 

Darren surveyed the crowd to see some bored faces, but there were a few that recognized the song and were swaying with the beat. One face in particular caught his eye and it took him several moments to realize why.  Darren could never forget that face.  
  
“ _Black bird singing in the dead of night_  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
you were only waiting for this moment to be free”

Darren couldn't remember whether he actually remembered all the words because all he could do was let the words pour out of his body.

 

 _“Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly_  
Into the light of the dark black night.  
  
Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise “

There was applause, but none more so than from the man who  Darren couldn't take his eyes from.  “Thank you for listening everyone. I think my time is up. I'll be here next week if you'd like to hear more.”  Several people dropped money into his open guitar case as they left but Darren paid them no heed other than to nod to them.

 

Chris walked over to him and pulled up a chair in front of him. “Hi.”

 

“Hi.” Darren replied.  They simply sat and drank each other in for a few moments.

 

“I've missed you.” Chris' voice was deeper than the last time they had spoken but it still rang pure.  There were more lines to his face and his hair was streaked with gray but his eyes still held that same light. He held out his hand and after a few moments hesitation, Darren gripped it, but not before noticing the glint of gold on his ring finger.

 

“How have you been?” Darren didn't miss the flash of pain in Chris' eyes. He gripped his hand a little firmer.

 

“Sean passed away 7 years ago.”

 

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry.”

 

Chris shook his head, “It was a brain tumor. We had enough time to get our affairs in order and say goodbye. For that I can be thankful.”

 

“How are you doing?”

 

Chris smiled, “We have a daughter, Anna. She's fifteen.  I just took her on her driver's training course. She's a menace.” He gave a wry laugh.

 

Darren felt his heart warm at the love on Chris' face. “Is she-”

 

“Mine? Yes and no. Sean and I adopted her when she was three months old.” Chris pulled his hand away from Darren's and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out his wallet, “Here's the most recent picture I have.” He handed it over to Darren.

 

She was lovely with long blond hair and bright green eyes.  Even though she wasn't biologically his, Darren could see a lot of Chris in her. “I bet you're beating the boys off left and right.”

 

Chris' laugh rang out, “Sadly, I'm not that intimidating, so the man – to – man talks don't go over all that well.”

 

Chris took the picture back and pressed it back into his pocket. “So, Darren, how have you been?”

 

Darren smiled, “As you can see, I've started playing again. I'm still teaching, but this is my last year.”

 

Chris looked hesitant, “Are you seeing anyone?”

 

Darren shook his head, “Not at the moment, no.”

 

“I hope it wasn't because of me.”

 

“I'd be lying if I said it wasn't entirely because of you, but I have dated a few times. It never really worked out though. But that's life, I figure.”  He set his guitar in the case and shut it.  He stood up and held out a hand to Chris, “Would you like to maybe get something to drink?”

 

Chris' face lit up, “I'd love that.”

 

Darren kept hold of his hand as they walked down the street. He looked over at Chris, “I wasn't sure before if I could say it or not, but now that I know you're not.... I've missed you too, Chris.”

 

Chris squeezed his hand and smiled brightly, “I feel like my day just got brighter.”

 

“I do too.” They entered the coffee shop and ordered their coffee, chatting idly as they waited for their orders.

 

Darren pulled out Chris' chair for him with a smirk, “Gentlemen first.” Chris put a hand to his heart, “I thought chivalry had died.”

 

“Not in the least. You just haven't been around the right people.”

 

Chris reached across for his hand again and their twined their fingers together.  “I know this is completely unconventional and not at all how I thought this should go, but both of us know how leaving things unsaid can be bad.”

 

Darren nodded with a sad smile.

 

“I feel like this was meant to be. That we were meant to meet up again and we'd finally both be free to be together. Obviously we'll have to get to know each other again before we move forward, but I'd like to be with you Darren.”

 

Darren couldn't believe this was happening. “Are you serious?”

 

“More serious than I have ever been in my life.  I won't ever be able to forgive myself if I let you go again.”

 

“That's good, because I was having a hard time imagining saying good bye to you today.”

 

Chris took Darren's hand and pulled it to his mouth where he pressed a warm kiss to his knuckles. Darren felt a single tear roll down his cheek, “Darren?”

 

“It's a happy tear. I never thought this day would come. I'm half thinking I'll wake up in my own bed and all of this would be a dream.”

 

“Have I ever kissed you in your dreams?”

 

Darren blinked, “What?”

 

“When you dream of me, have I ever kissed you?”

 

Darren shook his head, “Mostly we just sit together and hold hands.”

 

Chris nodded. “Then I'm going to kiss you. I want you to know that this isn't a dream.” He leaned forward and brushed his hand across Darren's cheek and pressed his lips lightly to Darren's.  Darren didn't know where their paths would take them but he did know one thing. Sitting here in this coffee shop, his lips pressed against Chris', it was like coming home.

 

*******

 

Darren still had problems believing certain these things in his life were happening. Like this exact moment: Chris was spread out beneath him and Darren was using his tongue to make swirls around his hip bones. Chris' mouth was open and he was making noises halfway between moans and gasps. 

 

“Dar- please...” His voice was barely more than a ragged whisper. Darren paused what he was doing and looked up at the man he was desperately in love with.

 

“Yes?”

 

Chris' chest was rising and falling with each breath that he was forcing into his lungs, “Don't stop!” The whine in his voice made Darren smirk.

 

“Well, I don't know what you're begging for.”

 

Chris huffed and then pulled Darren's head up near his own so that he could look him in the eye, “You.” With that he pressed their mouths together and the kiss was hot and wet.  Darren could feel their bodies align perfectly and it sent  a jolt all the way down to his toes.

 

Darren could feel Chris' nails digging into his back and felt a leg wrap around him and dig into his ass. Just as they were starting to thrust together a loud shrill ring broke the silence.

 

“Ahhh” His screech sounded right in Darren's ear and he drew back, almost falling off the bed but catching himself. Chris scrambled over to his pants and pulled out his phone quickly.

 

“Hello?” He laid back down next to Darren and attempted to catch his breath.

 

Darren could hear a voice on the other end but couldn't make it out, “Who-”

 

“It's Anna” Chris mouthed to him. Darren had heard Chris mention that Anna was going to a friend's house for a sleep over and that he'd wanted her to call when she got there. While Chris talked with his daughter, he wrapped his arm around Chris' stomach and pressed soft kisses on every bit of skin he could reach.

 

Chris batted him away lightly and indicated the phone.

 

Darren leaned closer to where the phone rested on Chris ear and could finally hear Anna speaking, “So, Juls said I could stay as long as I wanted.”

 

“As long as you're back by dinner tomorrow.”

 

Darren started nipping lightly on Chris shoulder and he smiled as Chris' breath hitched.

 

“Hey, dad?”

 

“Yes, Anna?”

 

“Are you ok? You sound out of breath.”

 

Darren could feel Chris' body stiffen. “I'm ok, Anna. I was just... exercising.” Darren tried to stifle his snort into the pillow where his head lay.

 

Anna didn't sound convinced, “Ok, Dad. Have fun with Darren. And be careful.” She let out a giggle before the line went dead as she hung up.

 

Chris pulled the phone away from his ear as his eyes bugged out. “Oh my god, my daughter knows we're having sex.”

 

“At least she approves.” Darren attempted to roll over onto Chris but he felt his hands press into his chest.

 

“There's no way we're continuing right now. I cannot have sex with you when all I can think about is my daughter. That is just wrong.”

 

Darren sighed and rolled over onto his back. “I swear the whole universe is a cockblock for us. These last two weeks have been hell. First, a tree hits the house, then a few days later the ceiling started leaking right onto the bed, then your car broke down, and now today, Anna calls?”

 

Chris giggled, “They don't want it to be easy for us. But I think that once we actually are able to, it will be so mindblowing that the wait will have been worth it.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

Chris sat up and grabbed for a pair of Darren's sweatpants lying on the floor and tugged them on.

 

“Where are you going?” Darren reached for him and Chris shook his head.

 

“I'm going to make us some dinner. You just stay put.”

 

Chris walked out of the room and into Darren's kitchen.  A black blob hurled itself at his feet and he gave a little shriek, climbing on top of the counter.

 

“Chris?”  He heard feet pounding up behind him and Darren came into view with a baseball bat. If he hadn't been terrified of the unidentified object that had touched him, he would have laughed at the sight. Because Darren was completely naked and looked like he was ready to beat senseless whatever was harming Chris.

 

Chris pointed at the black thing under the table. “What is that?”

 

Darren gave a small laugh and set the bat down against the wall behind him. He got down on his knees and held out his hands to the blob, “That's just Ron.” He cuddled it to his chest.

 

Chris let out the breath he was holding. It was only then that he realized the blob was actually a small puppy.

 

Chris felt his face flame and he climbed off the counter, “You have a dog?”

 

Darren looked up with a grin, “He was supposed to be our anniversary present. But I forgot about him. You're very distracting, you know that?”

 

Chris smiled, “You got me a puppy?”

 

“I got Anna a puppy.” He looked up with nervous eyes, “I know she wanted one. I probably should have asked, you probably didn't want-”

 

Chris shushed him, “It's a lovely present, Darren. I know she'll love him.” He squatted down and patted the dog on the head. His little pink tongue darted out and licked his fingers. “But I do have to ask. Ron? Really? Are you still that much into Harry Potter?”

 

Chris saw Darren blush. “Maybe.”

 

Chris just smiled, “You're a goof.  Go get changed. I feel weird being the only clothed person here.”

 

Darren nodded and handed Ron to Chris. Chris waited until Darren had left and then held the puppy up to his face, “Don't tell your Daddy, but I think I'm in love with you already. But I've got a reputation to uphold. I always argued about liking cats better, but you just may be the cutest thing I've ever seen.” The puppy licked at Chris' nose and he felt his heart expand.  A flash of silver reflected from the collar and Chris used his free hand to examine it. It was a dog tag. It listed Chris' address and phone number. And right above that was the name “Toronto”.

 

“Hey, Chris? Where are my glasses?” Darren walked in to see tears in Chris' eyes, “Hey, are you alright?”

 

Chris set the puppy down and pulled Darren into an embrace, joining their lips softly, “You are the most wonderful person.”

 

“Not that I don't agree, but can I ask what I'm being wonderful about?”

 

“Toronto?”

 

A flash of recognition came over Darren and a small smile flitted on his face.

 

“You remembered after all this time?”

 

“It's all I could think about at the shelter. The people there thought I was stupid, but I couldn't be swayed.”

 

Chris shook his head, “How are you real?”

 

“How are _you_ real?”

 

“Come on, let's make some dinner.” No matter what happened throughout their lives, there was no denying that there would always be happiness, laughter, and above all... love.

 

 


End file.
